Monday, October 8, 2012

Just Grace.....

Grace is more than acceptance, more than unmerited favor....Grace is:

The lavish, opulent, raw, untamed, scandalous blessing of God - unearned, undeserved, illogical, disproportionate, poured out through Christ over every facet of your life, AND the living presence of the Creator God deep inside you, poured out through the Spirit, in a flood of euphoric joy, transcendent peace, and limitless power to be, and do, and live up to God's calling on your life.    - John Mark Comer,  Grace and Peace Sermon at Solid Rock, A Jesus Church

Saturday night in church the concept of "Grace" fell on me like a ton of bricks during worship time.  I don't remember the song, but all I remember is the part....."fall on your grace"...that got me thinking...or more accurately convicted my heart.

I was transported back to my early 20's and the starting point of my decision to follow Jesus in my life.  I remember the feeling of desparte need of God's Grace...I welcomed it fully, whole heartedly, depended on it, appreciated it, and wanted to pass that on to others. 

Sadly, I realized that feeling over time has been lost.  The loss has been a slow one; like the draining of a bucket one drop at a time until I didn't even remember the bucket ever having been full. 

My life "before" was easy to analyze...easy to see my sin as it was so blatent.  I was a selfish human being with a moral compass very far from how God's word directs us to be.  Huge changes came fast and furious...at least I feel that they did. 

Now...many years later I find myself holding back Grace from others, having bitterness in my heart and unable to let go of hurts.  I think it comes down to this word...GRACE.  I don't see myself enough as a sinner in need of God's  Grace.  My sin has always been there and I am aware and repent of some of them...but there are others...subtle and dangerous...ones I dare to even justify.  These are heavy on my heart...these I want God to free me from.

Luckily, I am not saddened but only encouraged because I know He can!

"Beautiful Things"
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us




Monday, October 1, 2012

Dear Brody,

I am so proud of you and the young man you are becoming.  We have had a couple of rough weeks, you and I.  Getting back to school this year has been tougher than ever.  We are moving forward though and figuring things out as we go and together we are overcoming the obstacles. 

This past week was especially challenging and though the "ride" was a rocky one, I am so happy about the destination.

We were out running errands and one of those involved a trip to Wal Mart.  You had some money burning a hole in your wallet and decided to buy an Angry Birds puzzle that you were very excited about.  When we got home, we were outside playing some football and I encouraged you to bring Dusty (your bunny) out of his cage to play for a little while.  I went down to check on his cage and how you were doing keeping up with his cage and your duties.  I was very upset when I noticed that he only had some old hay in his buket that wasn't fit to feed him and when I questioned you, realized that you had not been giving him hay at all.  I talked to you a little and you knew I wasn't happy and did everything you could to get him taken care of in other ways.  However, it kept gnawing at my gut.  I knew I had to do something, though it is always tough to walk your child down a rough road.  I decided that you needed to return the puzzle and use the money to buy your rabbit the hay he needed.  You were SO mad at me.  I decided to just go through with it right there...7:00 at night because I didn't want to loose sight of the goal.  The drive to Wal Mart was some of the hardest moments of my life.  You wouldn't speak to me and when we got there I went to touch you and you pulled away from me.  OUCH!  That hurt my heart and I wanted so badly to change this path for you and make it easy...but I knew I couldn't.  You stayed a few steps behind me down the looong walk to the pet aisle and back to the register.  There I saw the first hint that everything was going to be ok.  You smiled....just a little, but you did it.  When we got home, I turned the car right onto the lawn to the barn and turned my high beams on so we could give him that hay right there.  He was so excited and happy and I know that made you happy and my heart was overflowing.  The rest of the night, you were right back to your old self and the next morning you said..."It felt good to give Dusty his hay again." 

You grew up a lot that night and so did I.  I was made fully aware that the challenges you will face will only get harder as you move forward in life.  I was also made fully aware of my need for God's wisdom and the leading of the Holy Spirit to make good decisions as I lead you.  I was made fully aware of how grateful I am for the partner I have in your dad as we walk this road together as he stood by my decision and helped you to understand. 

I also feel that you know that I love you and truly want what is best for you.  At least you can see that now and for that I am so grateful.  

You would not be happy if you knew I snapped this picture, but I hope one day you can appreciate it.  I didn't want to loose the memory:)



Loving you Always,
Mom