I didn't know she liked Gumbo

I found this "journal entry" I wrote tucked away in a stack of papers. I know it will get lost but since I wrote it for the purpose of the boys to see one day, I want to put it in my blog archive so I will know where it is! Isn't digital storage amazing??

9/25/07

I just returned from a trip to St. Louis where I was happy to attend my brother's wedding. The night I flew in my Aunt Lucy passed away at the age of 94. Actually she is my great aunt, but since Mimi (my grandmother) lived with her since I can remember she was kind of like a grandmother to me also. I am saddened by how much I learned about her at her memorial service. I know I loved her dearly but I didn't know her very well and I am disappointed in myself for that. The only I time I spent with her and my Uncle Tommy was really at holidays. I do have fond and wonderful memories of her mannerisms; her smile, her laugh, and most of all her beautiful southern accent. Not one of silliness, but one that spoke distinguished and eloquent. I will never forget her famous sayings and the way she spoke them "Hot Damn", "Oh Boy", "That's marvelous", and "How Grand". I remember meals at Thanksgiving and at Christmas that as a young child and teenager I could not appreciate. I didn't know that she was a wonderful cook and that she enjoyed teaching others. I didn't know that on other days throughout the year she was loved for her incredible hospitality and that she used those amazing gifts to serve others so much. She was involved at church in this area too, and impacted many young women. It was said that she carried herself as though in her presence you felt she was 10 feet tall. That I do remember! She loved gardening which I wish I would of taken some time to learn from her. She loved learning our family history which I did know but once again just didn't appreciate. I have learned to make decisions earlier in life to what you might think important later. Luckily she did pass on that love to my cousin Ann and I know I have access to that information! She passed on and taught her love of cooking to her son Tom. At her "All Things Lucy" celebration dinner after the funeral - he served gumbo from her recipe and there was small coke bottles and little cake pinafores. It was a fun night. Now my Great Uncle Tommy is left with the tough job, being here without her. How do you do that after 67 years with someone? Well, I guess he will find a way although I don't expect him to for long. He is a tough old bird though and at the age of 92 only time will really tell. Now I know after sharing dinner with him that night that he loves gumbo too.

I was thinking about all of them a lot yesterday as we celebrated our day late Thanksgiving! I did pull off a pretty good turkey if I do say so myself, but missed all the activity of a lot of people. I was thinking as I raise my boys how sometimes things really do matter, even though we think they might not. I am not sure if I can even articulate what I am trying to say, but even though I thought some of those visits painful as a selfish child, as an adult I would give anything to have them back. The lesson learned came later in life than I'm sure some, including me, would of liked, but it did come. As I make decisions on things for Connor and Brody I have to always keep the long term in mind. My job is not to make them totally happy about everything, but to do things and hope that long term valuable life lessons will be learned. I have written in my bible this same philosophy with our heavenly father though I don't remember where I heard it...

"Gods desire is to advance His kingdom, not make me extremely happy."

My purpose as their mom is to raise them every day with the long term as my goal; what kind of person they will be, what they will value, and how they will treat others along the way. My prayer is that would live their life before an audience of One and always have a bigger picture in their mind and in their hearts as well! I hope along the way that I can offer them some of this "big picture perspective" that I have learned on my own journey!

As expected my Uncle Tommy did pass away a short time later. I am so glad I have this picture from that night of celebrating her life and so many good memories of him too!

I'm sure my Aunt Lucy and Mimi are chuckling together as they watched me from above sitting with my boys showing them proudly our family tree as we studied the Mayflower and the history of the first Thanksgiving. I know they didn't "care" as much as I did, but I hope they can learn from my mistakes as all parents do, even when it takes longer than I would hope and pray for!