Thursday, February 12, 2009

One Lone Entry

Today, I will forget the things that I was going to post in my grateful journal...things like getting Dish Network to reduce my bill after all and getting my shopping at Costco done between the periods of rain. I will leave off the gratitude I felt unloading all those groceries that will feed our family and the abundance we are so blessed with. I will leave off being grateful for the 30 minutes my boys spent jumping off the couch and targeting cushions farther and farther away with no injuries. I will leave off that my dog is finally not scratching after being on steriods for a week. Today, I am going to be raw and post the absolute truth.

Today, I'm grateful I'm not Abby King.

I hate myself for saying it, but it is so true it stings. I got an e-mail from a member of the church we have been attending that led me to a site with an update from her that broke my heart. Abby has been leading the bible study that I have been attending and Darian is in Sunday school with Connor. Today she wrote this entry....

It is with a heavy heart that I give you the most recent news...It has been confirmed with an xray and CT scan that Darian's cancer is back. One of Darian's lungs has a large mass on it, and it is leaking fluid. The other lung has 4-5 large masses on it and several little ones.Tomorrow (Friday) Darian will be sedated and go in for a Bone Scan to see all the places where the Cancer has spread. After we see all the places the cancer has spread we will decide what to do from there. During sedation they will also drain the fluid from his lungs and biopsy it.If the surgeons can operate on Darians lungs it would be very dangerous, and very risky...but more than likely they will be unable to operate. We will more than likely start on Comfort measures only tomorrow after the bone scan.Darian will more than likely have 1-3 months with us. Probably leaning toward the 1 month. I know this is very shocking to most of you. We are taking things one day at a time. I want you all to know that during this time, none of us can do anything wrong. Please know that we all sort this information and feel this information differently. No way is right or wrong. Just please know that you can approach me and talk to me.We serve a great God. I am amazed at the care we have received at Legacy, and the amount of love they have shown us. They couldn't have done a better job. Secondly, thank you for all your support during this journey. God has a plan for each of us, and I am so glad that I get the opportunity to help raise Darian and be his mommy.Your prayers are greatly appreciated, and I will keep you updated on how darian is doing.

I spent over an hour going through her online journal documenting this incredible journey that started just a year ago. Darian has been through chemo treatments and even partial amputation of one of his legs. She writes some amazing things and her faith is so solid! While my heart literally hurts for her and my eyes stream with tears for someone I hardly know, I can't help but be amazed at God's goodness and grateful for the glimpse she has shown me. I guess I can't help being grateful after all. I am grateful that she has found comfort in the arms of an all knowing and loving God. I'm amazed that anyone could survive that amount of pain without God. I couldn't answer tonight when Connor asked me why Darian got cancer, but I confidently told him that God is good and we can bank on that promise. We can pray. Tonight I hugged my boys a little longer and a little tighter and we prayed together for Darian and his family.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

So hard.
Glad for your thoughts and perspective. I'm with you, if it weren't for knowing God, where would the strength come from to go on? Saying a prayer for them...

IE Mommy Blogger said...

oh Suzie, my heart breaks for her. Yes, I'll be hugging my girls more today but I'll be praying for this lady...I can't imagine the heartache...even with faith...this isn't an easy goodbye. I am so sorry